Raining Bullets
by Rupanshi5
Summary: So this is Post season 3 ending. I wanted to see how things would have turned if Castle had been shot instead of Beckett.
1. Morning

A/N : So.. this is my first fanfic ever. but I love Castle so I decided to give it a try, specially since next castle ep doesn't air till Feb. So this one is completely my imagination but I wanted to see how things would go if Castle had saved Kate from the sniper bullet. Post season 3 ending.

* * *

Bleep… Bleep… Bleep… the machine reassured every second as she stared up at the ceiling, blinking at first as she tried hard to remember. It hit her in painstaking flashes… The funeral.. Captain Montgomery.. Mom.. Ryan and Esposito's sad faces as she spoke about her Captain. .. her Captain… Roy Montgomery.. The 3rd Dirty Cop. …. The one who had died… protecting her.

Protecting… That word was hitting her, and no it wasn't only Montgomery, it was much worse, but for some reason she couldn't remember…

She inhaled slowly, to try clear her mind with some air… thats when she felt it… the pain… this one wasn't emotional… it was physical pain that shot up when she tried to emphasize on her breathing… Pain.. she was missing something.. something she couldn't quite fit together.. something she couldn't remember.. she shut her eyes taking in the pain both mental and emotional… though it felt like minutes, she knew it had been hours when her eyes fluttered open again, but it made her feel no better, the pain was a constant, so was the cloudiness in her brain, which was holding something back, something… someone… someone very important.

"Hey" she felt lips against her head … lips… his lips.. so full… the way they came up with that megawatt smile… his.. she blinked to look up to the person who had just kissed her head, and was almost disappointed, no this wasn't him…. these lips were too long and thin to be his.. they didn't hold the ability to give that megawatt smile.. they didn't hold the ability to make her forget all her pains,…. those lips… the ones she just thought of did… she had only felt them once … no twice… but only once against her lips.. and when she had.. didn't want to let them go..

"Hey" the voice repeated again and she looked at the owner of the voice as recognition slowly dawned her way.. it was Josh, her boyfriend who had just kissed her head. But, why didn't she like it when he did that? why was she with a man who was not capable of making her forget all her pains, when the one who was capable had been waiting for her all this while..

She shut her eyes again… who's lips were they.. and then the images flooded her again… his hair.. his eyebrows… how they waggled and made her laugh… his large deep blue eyes, his antics.. the way his voice made something deep in her flutter and roll.. how it made her skin tingle in the good way.. the way she had imagined his body would feel against hers.. the way she thought they would fit like they were meant to be together… who was this man.. and if this man was around then why was she with Josh? someone she didn't care about…

Why was it that she was sitting with a bullet hole so close to her heart and all she could think about was him.. He had saved her.. realization came again.. he had taken a bullet… no, he had taken bullets for her… 2.. 3.. one had torn through him to meet her halfway in…

Who was he? and thats when his entire picture came in… it was him..

**"CASTLE!" **

She screamed out loud as she sprung up forgetting all the pains in her, her eyes wide open not even blinking as tears streamed down her cheeks.. it took her time… a lot of time.. before she noticed Josh was sitting next to her… but he looked more… weathered than last time.. he had a bit of a stubble like he hadn't shaved for days and his hair was growing wild.. but she didn't care, where was her Castle?

At the cue of her words he sprung up and she instantly identified what his eyes conveyed, Hurt, Jealousy, Anger. But, she still didn't care. All she wanted to know was where was the man she was so deeply in love with ? Where was the man who had stepped in front of her and taken the bullets shot and aimed at her ? Where was the man who saved her life? Was he dead? Tears welled up in her eyes. Three years, they had spent three years as partners and nothing, not even a dirty bomb or freezing compartment had killed them. How could he die now? that too, to a bullet? She looked up at Josh, seeing his jaw clenched, he was angry but she needed answers. "Where is he ?" she heard a female voice, but it sounded weaker, more burdened, ready to break, it took her a minute before she identified it as hers.

"Dead, I hope" She heard and right in that moment, if she could have she would have taken her gun and emptied it into this man's chest. How dare he. How dare he hope ** HER CASTLE **was dead. Even though she was weak she glared at him and in an instant saw him cower but he wasn't so easy, he stomped out and she heard as his heavy footsteps walked farther and farther. But, she didn't care.

Once again alone, she fell back into a slumber as she let the bleeping machine fill her mind again. But all she could think of were his arms around her. the way he had held her in the freezer. The way he had stepped right in front of her to save her from the bullets.

The way he had been there for her…. Always.

* * *

**_1 Week Later… _**

She woke up again… this time to her Dad sitting next to her. He had tears in his eyes as he was staring at her. as she opened her eyes she could see he was surprised to see her wake up. She smiled, she couldn't see her in the pain that she felt.

But, who was she fooling? He could see through her… so could Castle. No, she cant think of Castle right now, her dad needs her right now. She looked at him again and whispered weakly "Hi Dad"

Somehow her voice was a much better reassurance to him than her smile. "Hi Katie, slept well?" He ran her hand through her hair the way he would when she was little and was down with cough or fever. Just the simple action would calm her down, reassure her she was safe. But. It wasn't her safety she was so anxious about this time. It was his. What had happened to Castle ?

"Dad" she said after a while. He looked at her, smiling again, just happy she was alive. "Hmm?" She bit her lip, choosing her next few words carefully, "What happened, exactly ?" His smile fell but he nodded. He knew, she would want to know, it had been 2 weeks since the Funeral, 2 weeks since she had been falling in and out of sleep. 2 weeks since she had been shot.

"You were…. shot at…., by a sniper…, Castle, he… he saved you by taking the bullets for you, but the last one tore through him and hit you aswell." By now tears were streaming down the faces of both father and daughter as she bit her lip again while her Dad confirmed her worst fears. No wait, he only said he saved her, he didn't say Rick was dead.. She kept looking at him waiting to continue.

He nodded and continued having memorized it over and over against the past two weeks. He owed it to Castle, the man had saved his little girl, saved his Katie.

"The sniper was experienced, knew what he was doing, but the aim was your heart, not his, not the first bullet atleast, he's taller, his heart would be slightly above yours, it went in, just under his heart. The second one pierced through.. thats the fatal one, and the last one was the one that followed it, thats the one that punctured through him and got to you. But his body had pulled down its effect, made, blunted it, decreased the force."

He had been her Castle, physically. Her Fortress.

He had broken all her walls one by one, but when it came to the bullet, he had become her wall.

She suddenly couldn't think straight as tears and sobs started to break, she didn't care about the pains it caused her, she just wanted him there, with her, next to her, so she could hold him. Nurse him back to health. She looked at her dad again, now blurry as tears flowed down "Where is he?"

"Katie I promise ill let you meet him next week, by then you'll be discharged and on your feet and fine, Josh was amazing with your surgery, the only pain you feel is that of healing right now… meanwhile there were some people who wanted to meet you"

She nodded between tears as she knew Lanie and Esposito and Ryan were probably outside ready to break the door if they had to, but she was shocked when her dad left and instead Alexis came in. What shocked her worse was how crippled and sad the young girl looked. She looked like she hadn't slept or eaten or moved since days, yet when she saw Kate, she smiled, both stayed in their positions looking at the other while they cried silently for Castle's recovery.

After a long while of sobbing, Kate raised her arms to hug the young girl, she knew they never hugged before, but right now, they both needed it. They didn't know when but suddenly they were both in each others arms, sobbing harder than before, releasing all emotions for the man they loved. "Im so sorry Alexis, this is all my fault. I was the target, not him, he had begged me just 2 weeks ago, he had held me and begged me to stop. But I wouldn't now Montgomery's dead, and Rick… he;s almost…" Alexis cut her off mid sentence "No Kate, its no one's fault, if anyone is at fault its that sniper, Ryan and Esposito are out looking for him still. Lanie just went back home 2 hours ago, its 3 am here. And, my dad is a fighter, he will live. I am sure of that." "Yes he is a fighter.. he will live.." Kate repeated almost to herself, as if trying to reassure herself. After a few moments she looked at the girl again as she really hoped, unlike Jim, Alexis would at least fill her on Rick's current situation. "How is he ?" she said and Alexis's head shot up. She looked at the woman on the bed. So different from the Detective Beckett she knew, so different from the Beckett her dad couldn't stop talking about. "He's under induced coma. They are going to wait till his body heals the physical wounds before reducing the drugs, so his body can slowly regain control over functions. They said the procedure could be as quick as a month to as long as a year" at the last part her voice broke as she went into another fit of sobs then ran out. The information was too much for the usually tough detective, she passed out, the last thought on her mind was his last words even as he fell from the bullets

_"Live for me Kate, I Love you Kate, Please Live for me"_.


	2. Progress or End?

A/N : Sorry people, Im going to try and write more often, I just ended up finding myself in a bit of a fix,, but no worries, im back you get more chapters today, its a promise :D

I'd love to read some reviews by the way.!

and Incase any of you were wondering, as much as I wish, nope I dont own any of those characters… they belong to the Great Marlowe

* * *

**Chapter 2.**

On the outside, from a third person's point of view, it seemed like just another day. People got injured during an _incident _at times multiple people got injured. At times their injuries changed them or just magnified them, while other times they just got up, stood up, payed their bills and walked out. Or died.

Josh huffed and glared at the room door reading '**403**' and saw red thru gritted teeth. He would rather see her dead than the way she looked right now… so in love with the asshole. No wait he didn't want Kate dead, how could he.. it had been a week since she had literally thrown him in the been and asked about Richard Castle. But that didn't give him an excuse to want her dead, he was disappointed,who he wanted dead was _Castle_. He should have taken the clue weeks ago, when she was with that bastard in that freezer. He remembers the image of the 2, wrapped in each other's arms, ready to make history as a frozen couple… no nonsense, they were only huddling for the heat, to hold closer… no.. he wasn't going to let her excuses float over again.. It had taken them twenty minutes before the two even thawed enough to pull them apart from each other and even then, they had both resisted it, the way one holds onto life. He may never admit it but he had seen it, he had caught the look in her eyes going across the street to where Castle was standing, and he had seen his eyes looking back, as if the two of them were enjoying a silent conversation, even with all that distance and all those people between them, the two seemed to be talking in a manner like they were just sitting across the table at _Remy's_. That was why he had forcibly pulled her into a hug and a very visible kiss as if to prove a point to Castle. She was _mine_.

_Mine… _She is _mine_.. He looked at the door again and before he could even blink he found he was already past the door standing in front of her, shaking with rage as he started seeing red in his eyes again. He knew whatever words were flooding out of his mouth weren't sensible. Hell to being sensible. He needed to know and he needed to tell her. She was his after all. Not Castle's. He wanted to spit.

He didn't even notice Lanie Parish sitting over there when he let his head out.

"Do I look like a punchbag to you Kate? Or a B&B Motel ?" he was hearing his words definitely but his voice sounded harsh… angrier that he had thought he was… rough.. but he continued, fuming, his face was pulling some very harsh expressions, he could feel it as she winced to his words but he continued. "No, don't answer that, Ill give you questions to answer, Do you even care?, That bastard got you killed… nearly got you killed, he was a failure of a protection.. I saved your fucking life, who did? I. and what do you do? You fucking trash me out just like that. Well news for you Miss Katherine Beckett, you're MI-" He was instantly cut off and what came next broke him into more pieces, finer pieces than he already was, though the woman infront of him looked so pale, small and sick, the voice that left her lips was weak… but angry… furious… "Josh, before you dare to say even a word about Rick-" Oh he was Rick now? "-Shut your mouth and know you are no one, and absolutely no one, to comment on who he is" Now this was getting him furious. "Oh no Kate, I'll tell you who he is, He is a sick son of a bitch, a sleaze and a playboy, because of whom you are on this hospital bed. He doesn't give a fuck about you, he's just trying to get his _Muse _in his bed. Oh no wait, I think he already has his _Muse _in his bed" He literally spat out the 'Muse'.

There was mock horror and shock on Kate's face but she looked like she was getting tired.

"Josh, I have told you this before, I have never slept with Castle before."

"Don't lie to me Kate, I see the way you both talk, the way you both look at each other behind your backs, or even into each other's eyes at times. The way you talk about him, and the way your eyes light up when he turns up at the Precinct."

By now, Kate had had enough. She was not going to let a jealous boyfriend change her mind, but ugh the anger was exhausting, she could feel herself slowly shut down and pass out but she needed to end this, she stayed silent letting him finish. She didn't care what he had to say. He wasn't right. He didn't know Castle. She felt like she didn't know Castle till a few weeks either. She recounts kicking him out of her house, completely ignoring Josh as he trails off and continues talking but she cant be bothered. Then she recounts her conversation with Captain Montgomery, he had said Castle was good for her, that he could have kicked Castle out at any time, but had let him stick cause he brought a change in her. Captain… he was dead… she couldn't bear to remember his face… no it was too soon for that.

"-Kate, I will kill him". That brought her back. and brought her back with a jolt.

"GET OUT" She had had enough, and as shock struck through his face she repeated and added calming her voice down so he knew she meant it. "Get Out Josh. and, if you even touch him, I will hunt you down."

The moment the door shut she passed out. Lanie was still frozen in shock.

She had let them both talk it out for two reasons. First, she was shocked, she didn't expect Josh of all people to loose his calm or to even act in such a possessive jealous manner. and secondly, because her best friend had held her hand so tight the entire time, that she was sure she would have one less hand if she had so much as said a word. But now she was asleep, Lanie quickly looked at all the monitors, her medical experience kicking in as the ran her eyes over all the tubes, she pressed the button for the painkillers once so that her friend would sleep peacefully for a while. She needs all the sleep and rest she can get if she wants to face Castle.

* * *

Tears streamed down Lanie's eyes as she walked out of the room, remembering the way Castle had looked before… before he was shot. The way he had walked right into the line of fire… and the way he had screamed out his love for Kate to the entire Manhattan. She felt like there was Bile in her mouth when she picked up a _NY Ledger_.

Front Page Headlines read it loud and clear, the paper was two weeks old

**MYSTERY WRITER RICHARD CASTLE AND MUSE SHOT AT CEMETERY**

She didn't want to but she continued reading, using it as a way of trying to forget the last 2 weeks. Dumb idea this spoke of it.

_Is Richard Castle leaving Mystery and Procedural Books to write sappy Shakespearean Romances? Or is it just his real life that seemed like a sappy romance? _…. She skipped a few lines then continued.

_Is Richard Castle Dead? It's been a day, no statement has been issued…. Black Pawn Staff don't know…. His Agent Paula caught leaving with tear strains a week ago…. His first Ex-Wife Meredith…. interview on youtube… caught crying… second ex-wife Gina, Public figure, hasn't been seen in the past 24 hours.. FEDs have stepped… Agent Shaw says no comment.. NYPD 12th Precinct Staff … Found at Hospital.. Detective Beckett seems to be healing….. _

_If the Author is dying.. a very poetic way of dying.. confessing his love and protecting his Muse as he fell on the land housing many graves… _

At the end of it, she broke down into sobs and sat on a hospital chair. She found an arm wrapped around her, saw Javi sitting next to her, and so she leaned into his arms, tucking herself there as she mourned.. no .. as she prayed for her friend's recovery.

* * *

**_2 weeks later… _**

Its been 4 weeks.. she counted to herself. The funeral was on the 16th of May, as of now it was the 14th of June. She sighed sadly. Its almost a month… and she still hasn't seen Castle. No one even dares to tell her on how he's doing. She had tried glaring, crying, pleading, begging, blackmailing, asking, throwing a fit, even threatening. Every time she saw anyone enter the room dressed in black, she would cringe inside. Because, the first thought to hit her would be: _Is he dead? _No. She would clear her head. He can't be. He had promised her _Always_. She was going to hold him to his words. And hell if he broke that promise she would drag him back from hell and interrogate his ass over it.

The interrogation room, she smiled remembering the first time she had taken Rick Castle in there. Annoying, Kiddish, Charming, Author. "Boys will be boys" He had said and smirked that way that today would make her knees buckle to submission against him. Oh what she would do just to have the last three years back.

Enough Beckett. She scolded herself, positive thoughts. Once they are both out, she will make for all the lost time, all the hurt and heartbreak. She would show him what he had been missing, show him things he had absolutely no idea about. After all, today she would be taking her first few steps. She would imagine him jumping along like a 9yr old on a sugar rush.. if only he were here.. biting her lip she was brought back to reality… brought back to that beeping she had gotten so used to.. Bleep.. Bleep.. Bleep

The flashbacks were still painful, so were the memories and wants, no the wants were the worst… every time she had one of those she felt like she was two people trapped in her body, tearing at each other because it had taken her all these years, and more counting to realize what was it she really wanted.

A part of her was still inclined towards perfection, hated that she was stuck in this hospital while that sniper and her mother's killer who she had recently gotten a step closer to finding, were still out in the open. This part of her could only be annoyed with the hospital and with the 12th Precinct for keeping her in here so long. This part of her would never admit to how vulnerable and broken and hurt she felt. How her flashbacks may be an evident sign of the PTSD or how she thought she had no time for love.

And then, there was this other part to her. The one that wanted to be with Castle, to scream how much she loved him and show it to him little by little the way he had for the past three years while she continuously hurt him. The one that didn't mind exposing her weaknesses and strengths to him cause in a way he completed her. The way he could get her jealous just by putting an arm around his ex wife, the way he made her feel like a teenager in love with her first boyfriend all over again… boyfriend ? no.. they were Partners. _Always. _

* * *

3:00AM the clock read as his eyes quickly swept the area. He was serious when he had said he was going to kill Richard Castle. That man doesn't get to live while Kate rejects me.. he thought to himself.. I was the one who performed a six hour long surgery on her.. broke all rules just to save her… I saw her die twice in 24 hours.. I love her.. He doesn't just get to snatch her away by taking 3 bullets for her.. and anyways.. if he could take all these bullets.. surely another couldn't hurt… how did that bastard even survive it ?

He walked down the hall quietly trying to look like he was on his usual rounds as he walked past the third floor, taking a right to reach the suit room of Richard Castle. the numbers read '**301**'. As he slowly opened the door he shook his head.. the bastard was lucky.. his daughter sat by his still body.. if only she would have moved.

* * *

**_Two Days Later… _**

Kate opens her eyes wide, blinking, before she gives up and squints at the ceiling still not used to the white light and lets out a verbal protest as a nurse enters to check on her vitals and set her up for her Physical Therapy session. She wanted to be back on her feet as soon as possible so she could solve her case, no… so… so she could go see Castle and be with him… he had been her rock, her castle, her fortress her wall… now it was her chance, once he was back on his feet, they could go catch the son of a bitch together. After all he had promised her that he would be around when she solves the case. He better stick to his promise damnit.

"Miss Beckett ?" The nurse squeaked timidly, she couldn't blame the nurse, after the fight between her and Josh yesterday.. the entire hospital was probably scared of her.. how dare that bastard go to Castle's room at 3am ? what did he think Alexis was? a kid? that she wouldn't tell Kate ?

"Miss Beckett?" The nurse repeats, breaking her thought process and beckett turns to smile at the nurse.

"Detective Beckett"

"Right. Detective Beckett, we are going to shift you to the 3rd floor"

Beckett threw her a curious look "Why?"

The nurse seems timid before she squeaks again "Its "

Beckett freezes right there.. what happened to Castle… was he…

Fine?

Dead?

Ok ?

Alive?

Awake?

What came next was a full blown panic attack…


	3. Down goes Josh

A/N: SORRRYY once again for the delay! My Mac broke :( and it took me a lifetime to remember i had my docs on icloud. A special thanks to _**dd113**_For the brilliant Josh-Ryan-Espo Idea. Also, a thankyou to all the other reviewers so far : _**TORONTOSUN, Jester's Pet Oriole**_and _**CaskettFan5**_

I would love to hear from you people more often! Also, I was looking for someone who would like to help me edit it since its my first time writing !

* * *

Her heart throbbed in her ears. She could feel it. The quickened pace, in rhythm to the sound of the wheels as they slid across the hospital flooring, taking her to his room.

Was he **Fine**?  
Was he **Dead**?  
Was he **Alive**?  
Was he **Ok**?  
Was he **Awake**?  
Was he in** Pain**?

Was he asking for her?

Did Josh do something?  
Did he give up?

She was unaware of her surroundings, just her heartbeat. She was unaware she was so still one could mistake her for a statue. She was unaware she unresponsive as people screamed at her to open. She was unaware of the unshed tears that now flew without any barriers down her face. She was unaware as her own nails dug into her palms. She was unaware of the loud scream she let out just before she went that still. She was unaware, but she was aware that she didn't care in that moment about any of those things. All she cared about was him. She wanted him.. and only him.

She was unaware as she was injected with something to put her to sleep. momentarily. She was unaware as an oxygen mask was strapped to her face. She was unaware as the IV was once again up against her arm. She was unaware as a few more tubes followed it.

After what felt like a year, no a century, her eyes fluttered open. She was uncharacteristically calm. For some reason she remembered death. and the thought of it seemed so.. **calm**. Placid possibly.

Was this how death felt like? she looked around and all she saw was white light, blinding but for some reason she found it fitting. No darkness the way she had imagined it to be a zillion times.

'_Ha if only Castle co-_'

**CASTLE!**

She shot up straight, sweat beading her forehead, coming back to her original line of thought.. how long had it been, she looked around for any sign of the date….

.

.

And thats when relief flowed over her. He was next to her. His chest was rising and falling. He was breathing. He was fine. Castle was fine. He was alive. Castle, Richard Alexander Edgar Rodgers Castle was alive.

* * *

Lanie sat outside reeling back to what happened 3 days ago, recounting each minute for the billionth time. Her best friend had gone into shock after a full blown panic attack. Her best friend had to be drugged to sleep and put on machines to make her breath for 3 days. No one knew when she was going to wakeup. She sighed, if only these nurses weren't so stupid. When you go to tell someone that the love of their life is out of the danger zone you do not make it sound like you're taking them to someone's funeral.

Suddenly something clicked in her brain. She was no detective, but she hung around a handful to have picked up a few things. What if it was Josh ? His way of payback? Tears puddled under her eyes as she tried to blink them away. She had let that bastard get away with it once, not again, Lanie Parish never makes the same mistake twice. Before she knew it, Her iPhone was in her hand, and the speed dial for Javi was pressed.  
"Javi"  
"Lanie , chica-"  
"Get that bastard, and teach him a lesson"  
"Who-"  
"JOSH. Joshua… Davidson"  
"Doctor Motorcycle Guy ?"  
"Make him pay"

Before Javi could inquire any further, she cut the phone. He looked at his phone and sighed, leaning back into his chair, he let his head tip off and shut his eyes.

Suddenly he heard Ryan, "Javi, lets go, lets get that asshole"  
"Wh- Who? Wha-"  
"Josh"  
Oblivious to the breakup he blinked as he took a minute to think _Why was everyone after Josh_ _suddenly_ he didn't understand, sure he didn't like the guy much but he was _Beckett's boyfriend_. She will kill him if he hurts her boyfriend… That's when the clockworks creaked in his head and it started spinning the right way. The panic attack. Castle. The sudden alarms. He didn't need another word after that, before he even knew it, he was down the elevator, sitting in his car, glaring for Ryan to hurry up and get in.  
Once the two were seated, he raced the car, siren on, towards the hospital. Badge ready in hand, he didn't even think twice before walking right into the room labeled as Dr. Joshua Davidson, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him to his car infront of the entire hospital staff, leaving 2 very bewildered patients aghast in his office.

* * *

"What the hell?" were the first words that flew out of his mouth as he was trashed into the back of the cop car. The two Detectives he had seen around Kate, didn't reply, just took their seats and started driving. But Josh was panicking, and he was angry. These men were supposed to be on his side! To get rid of that person because of whom Kate was in the hospital and so badly wounded, and he had come so close… and then that lucky bastard moved and suddenly everyone was there.  
First Kate used him, like some toyboy to hide behind.  
Then he fell in love with her and was just about to tell her.  
He missed the Haiti Hospital Inauguration  
He couldn't go to the Philippines because Kate was nearly dead.  
Then she died. Nearly Died, again.  
Then Kate Beckett broke up with him.  
For whom? For that sorry crap of a writer because of whom she got hurt in the first place.  
Then he came so close to killing that bastard. TWICE  
First he got saved by that red head of a daughter  
And the second time.. HE WOKE UP

_That man was on machines for a month, not a breath, not a hitch, and just the moment I walk in he had to wake up? _

As if his luck wasn't pathetic already, now he had literally been taken hostage by the NYPD.  
Pulled right out of his office, and dragged down the hospital infront of all his coworkers, colleagues, friends and people he considered family. Not to forget, his patients.

"Josh" The Irish detective said and the hispanic one followed after "Where were you from 2:30 AM to 3:30AM 7 days ago", the two sounded in sync just like Kate had sleep talked about her and Castle doing. They didn't sound as efficient but they sounded pretty mad Josh thought solely to himself. "And where were you from 5AM to 6AM 5 days ag-"

Josh cut off the Irish Detective mid sentence, dure his palms were sweating by now but years of being a surgeon had taught him how to stick to his composure. "Detectives, why have I been taken in-between a meeting?"  
"Oh we're not Detectives here, we're family to Kate Beckett and Richard Castle as of now"  
"And you've pulled me here because?"  
"We know what you've tried Josh"  
"I didn't do a thing, she was the one who broke up with me, for that stinking wri-"  
"WAIT" "SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU?" "WHEN!?"  
Josh was taken aback but he still answered glad this was slightly de-railing, atleast..  
"When she woke up, her friend was sittin-"  
"SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU INFRONT OF LANIE? WHY?"  
_Oh no_.. now its coming back… but he tried to pull it another way  
"Because I bet your _slut_ of a friend was sleeping with her _'Writer-Boy'_ before that, or she was just hiding, using me like some shield to hide behind"  
That earned him a black eye. Another ready to find its way if he used any derogation for her, the message was clear to Josh as he held a hand over his eye, nursing himself changing his statement, something in the way Detective Hispanic was staring at him made him re-think.  
"I.. I told her I would kill him"  
And for some reason he really didnt understand he had another punch against his face, he could feel its heat over his nose, he cringed as the pain slowly hit him, then the rest followed like a dam-burst, he dared to look outside the window to find himself way away from new york, no skyscrapers, no usual car noises, and they were driving at a frightening speed.  
"Where were you at 2:30 to 3:30AM 7 days ago and 5 to 6AM 5 days ago"  
"Room **301**" Josh heard himself snap and then wished he could take his words back and come with a better reply  
"So we place you in Castle's room during both timings of reported questionable CCTV footage, Why were you in Castle's room?"  
This time Josh had thought of a reply, "Im a heart surgeon, he just survived a bullet to his heart, I was checking on him-?"  
He almost regretted it just after as he saw Detective Irish call up the Hospital and ask for his schedule, also doctor and nurse on duty at the 2 timings, and Doctor and Nurse in charge of Room **301**.  
Josh's head was going in a million different ways when he was pulled out of his thoughts seeing the Irish Detective clicked his fingers infront of his eyes  
"7 Days ago, Davidson had the day shift and therefore was supposed to be at home, or anywhere besides the hospital at 3:00AM, 5 days ago, Davidson, was supposed to be on leave, to handle 'Personal Issues' but, was found in 's room when woke up" Ryan had carefully repeated every word the receptionist had said. then Javi followed who had already texted back and forth with Lanie for the other information. "Doctors responsible for are , and , both specially requested by his Mother, Miss Martha Rodgers. The nurses were on duty and on time, any checking to be done could be done by them. According to signed papers. Room 301 is supposed to be entered by Authorized Medical Personnel only" The Irish detective spoke again "Hastings, just went through CCTV footage, his description and sketch based on description from Alexis Castle is a match to you, , CCTV footage from 5 days ago, shows you meddling with the wires and I bet if I took your coat and scrubs for testing I will find some chemicals on it that aren't supposed to be there"  
"Joshua Davidson" Josh's eyes went to the hispanic detective "You are under arrest for the attempted murder of Richard Castle, also for entering unauthorized and..-" Josh caught a wink pass between the two detectives and then to his horror the Hispanic gave the Irish a black eye "-and, attacking a police officer" Then to his surprise, his door opened and he was dragged out, "And, for resisting arrest"

The 2 Detectives looked at each other and grinned at their success, put handcuffs on him, put him back in the car and then drove him back towards the 12th Precinct.

* * *

Lanie smiled as she got Javi's text.

We got him chica. Thanks for the head work. Our brains were fried.  
She thought for a second then replied. This was the first time she had smiled in a month.  
Yea, quite the detective, both of you  
Only a second later her phone dinged.  
On second thought, you should just join us at Homecide, even though you're the best at the Morgue.  
She laughed for a second then decided she was going to go in and check on the two.  
Go put that bastard in jail, for as long as possible.

With that Lanie got up and walked toward the door, when it opened she was _shocked._


	4. Will They or Wont They?

A/N: Once again, Thank you for the amazing reviews! I'd love to see a lot more! I wish to hear where you think its going! and just because of that, here's a new chapter!

No I still don't own Castle, when I do, trust me, you'll know!

* * *

She felt his mouth crash against hers, it held a certain urgency in it, arms flew around each other, eyes shut and what a second ago felt like shivers caused by the cold weather were now replaced by the shiver that always ran down her spine every time she felt his hands, and right now his arms were around her, enveloping her in his heat, forgetting all worries for the moment as they enjoyed each other's lips. The way his tongue pressed against her lower lip, making her moan into the kiss.

And then her eyes opened… or rather her ears did,

Bleep… Bleep… Bleep….

The Bleeping was back, but she didn't want to open her eyes, some small voice in her told her to do so, but she wasn't ready to face the mundane white ceiling yet, for once she felt warm, in a way that made her skin tingle… In the way only Castle could make her feel. The last time she felt this way was when he had held her, just a little more than a month ago, against his car. Sure, that wasn't a time to feel warm and tingly, her Captain was taking bullets for her, she could still hear the shots in the far distance, but even in all that anger and anxiety she was glad to have Castle's arms around her. She couldn't help it but just visually imagine him there right next to her, making her raise her arm, but for some reason she couldn't move it, there was something heavy across her, she opened her eyes to inspect and was shocked to find Castle's arm draped across hers. She only now noticed how close their beds were placed. Looking up from his arm she turned to look at his face. It looked so peaceful, yet there were wrinkles on his head as if he were facing a nightmare, she tried hard to resist but finally gave up and she found herself painfully turning to face him, so she could gently run her hand across his cheek, so he knew she was there. She was so engrossed in trying to get him to completely ease she didn't even notice as a very shocked Lanie made her way towards them.

"So you won't tell him how you feel but the moment you see him in pain, you want to be there to ease them for him? _Girl I'm gon'na whack you_, you scared the life out of us all in the past three days" That's when she tore her eyes away from Castle and saw Lanie standing still by the door, seeing something she had NEVER seen on her face, Shock. Lanie Parish was shocked. The question to ask oneself would be, was she shocked that Castle's arm was around Kate, Or was she shocked that Kate was awake, or was she shocked by the way Kate was looking at him, or was she just shocked to see they were alive? "Us?" She asks, trying to drift the topic away from whatever next was coming. She could see tears in her friend's eyes, how long was she gone to be exact.

"Girl you been gone for three days, you screamed so loud I'm sure the entire hospital heard it, and then you went so silent, one would think you screamed high enough to loose your voice. And brain. And yes, Us. Kevin, Javi, The entire 12th, Martha, Alexis, and I, all of us. And Castle."

"Castle heard me?"

"Yes. He woke up after….-well that's why the Nurse came to get you but bitch didn't know how to put the message across, or well she was instructed not to tell you by- oh im just-"

Kate narrowed her eyes, her best friend was hiding something, what was it… whatever it was she could now see sweat beads roll down her usually hyperventilating but composed friend. "Lanie…" she cut her off mid sentence before her rambling got never ending but she wouldn't stop she continued "-so glad you're ok, I was so worried, Cas-" "LANIE, What. Happened." Lanie's eyes grew wide as she realized she was actually telling Kate all she wanted to know; suddenly she had a newfound sympathy for all the people Kate interrogated. "Josh punctured the c-24, its err a pipe- Castle could have died-but he woke up- he's fine, was a miracle-" "WAIT. Josh tried to kill Castle?" "He would've succeeded if it weren't for the moment Castle woke up" "Where is he?! How dare he!" Lanie smiled seeing her Detective Beckett back and furious as always, it was cute seeing her get so protective over Castle, reminded her of the way Castle was half the time, oh how the two would be perfect together…

Kate noticed her smile and raised a brow, she was furious, someone almost killed her Castle… wait _Her Castle _… She liked how that sounded. "What" she heard herself snap. "Javi and Ryan are dragging him back to the 12th as we speak. They got a full confession from him and are pressing charges on him for multiple attempts to murder, resisting arrest, and violence against a Police officer." "He did what?" "He punched Javi" Lanie said a little too innocently, but Kate caught the mock, she knew the drill and nodded. He doesn't get to get away after trying to kill her Castle, yes that's what Rick was, hers. She didn't even realize but ever since she had woken up, she had tears in her eyes, she had loved that kiss so much. It made her feel so complete, even for a few minute seconds she felt like she was just where she belonged, in his arms, his mouth crushed against hers. She thought about them so deeply that minutes later she was asleep.

* * *

**_2 Days Later…_**

"NO! KATE PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME!" A set of blue irises shot open. Pain clear behind them, as was the worry and concern that etched his face. Suddenly a group of people entered his room and he noticed the heart machine had gone all crazy. His heart rate had spiked. This was the 2nd time it had happened. He tried to turn his head slowly to look at Kate, who's sleeping presence he had gotten so used to. But, was disappointed when he saw her bed was empty and she was nowhere to be seen. Instead Alexis was holding his hand, her eyes looked red, puffed and there were circles under, as if she had, had no rest and had been constantly crying. He panicked. Had something happened to Kate? He had failed her. He was supposed to protect her. How could he have let that bullet past him. It was his fault she was hurt. It was his fault she was in pain. He had seen her while she slept. She was in so much pain he could sense it, and it was all his fault. If only he would have pushed her away a little harder while he took her place, she would have been fine. She wouldn't be shot and she wouldn't be in this hospital.

"-Dad, Dad, Dad please look at me" Alexis was crying again, begging him to come to his senses. His heart broke as he saw her tears. His little girl, was crying and it was his fault. He was a failure. He had promised Montgomery that he would protect her, and he failed. It was his fault. He was a failure as a farther, a son, clearly a husband after two broken marriages, and now he was a failure as a friend and a partner. He squeezes his daughter's hand to reassure her he was fine, then cringed as the pain shot through him and shut his eyes, once again back to sleep. Living was painful. He was a failure, he couldn't live like that. But, He deserved the pain, every ounce of it and more. He wasn't good enough for her, how could he stand by her and look her in the eye when he had caused her so much pain… no she deserved to live, and be happy, she and josh would be happier without him to distract her, he knew the Doctor didn't like him around Kate. If he isn't around, Kate will be happy. After all, she wanted him gone, didn't she? He loves her and will do anything that makes her happy and keeps her safe, sadly, he couldn't make her happy or keep her safe. He was useless.

* * *

If only he knew how Kate really felt, and what had happened while he was asleep.

* * *

**_2 weeks later… _**

"Rick… look at me, I know you're awake, I'm a detective remember? I know how you breath when you're awake and how you breath when you're asleep"

He opened his eyes to look at her, really look at her as she sat on the chair infront of him. She had been discharged a little less than 2 weeks ago, and here she was sitting next to his hospital bed, even after he had requested to be shifted to another hospital, in hopes that she wouldn't find him, and his disappearance would allow her and Josh the space they needed, away from the failure that caused her all the pain. Josh was right that morning when he had woken up. He was responsible for all the pain Kate had gone through. He deserved those bullets, and more.

She looked pale, better than five days ago when he had snuck a peek while she was looking away, but still, pale, and underweight. Her beautiful hair was held back in a quick bun, it seemed to lack the shine. She didn't look happy at all. He could see the pain in her eyes from sitting the way she was. The pain he had caused her.

"Rick… why are you ignoring me?" He just looked in her eyes, looking right through to the pain she was hiding, but his ears were alert. "I've been here every day the past week, and every time I come, you shut your eyes and even refuse to look at me. You sit there and act asleep. Is this your way of punishing me for the pain I put you through?" This caught him, the pain she put him through? No it was the pain he put her through. Suddenly he burst, talking, he hadn't said more than a couple words since he had woken up, most just to reassure he could hear the ones outside and knew they were there and that he was fine, hearing his voice suddenly, he felt old, dead, defeated, he sounded pained. "How can I look at you when all I see is your pain, the pain that I caused you, It was my fault you got shot, I was overconfident that I wouldn't let the bullet past me. Yet, you were shot. It's my fault." But what he said hardly reached her ears, because he sounded so hoarse and weak, he hardly made a sound and she was too busy crying to strain her ears to actually hear him. Next thing she knew, his heart rate spiked again, and as instructed by the doctor, she pressed the pain tab, and a few minutes later, the monitor calmed down and he was asleep. She ran out crying not even caring as the pain from the stitches began to burst in her, and Martha hugged her tight, holding her just tight enough to keep her on her feet.

* * *

**A/N: As you probably noticed.. I dont know a thing about medical procedures, so bear with me and my stupidity. Thanks for reading ! **


	5. A Dam-burst of Truths

A/N: Yess I got you another chapter! Thank you for the ever supportive reviews, Id love to hear from you all.

Ok I know you're all going to hate me for this. But just read it till the end, I promise you, you'll like that.

You'll notice I pulled a few cases from Season 4 and put them before Knockout, its just some of them were adorable and I couldn't ignore them, just cope with me, please.

Yes I own Castle! I really do! Just like the Eiffel Tower's red in color.

* * *

Kate's eyes were stinging as she didn't even try to stop her tears while they fell, soaking Martha's dress. "He wouldn't even look at me Martha. He hates-" Just then she hears the sound of heels clicking against the floor and hears a very annoying blonde, who's voice she could recognize anywhere. Gina. She looked up to notice she was arguing with Rick's Doctor.

"What do you mean he can't be discharged before a month? His book's coming out soon and we need him out there at book signings" The Doctor just shook his head and said something Kate couldn't catch but she guessed from Gina's response "No, What do you mean, he's in trauma, I don't care, he has a contract he must stick by!"

That was all Kate could take, Castle was sitting there, fighting for his life, struggling to even breath under the pain, and all she could think of were, the damn books! She was his ex-wife, how could she not care, not even a bit? Wasn't she just cuddling into his side just a year ago? "Gina" She heard herself even before she realized she was speaking. "What are you doing here?" "Hello Detective Beckett, I was inquiring about Rick's discharge, he-" "I heard that, But if I must inform you, he is struggling with the pain he's under, wouldn't you rather have more books from him in the future than have a few book signing events now?" Kate's logical side was working, even though she could hear the anger in her words she just hoped it would get Gina in her senses but what came next felt like a punch in the gut. "And who's fault might that be Detective?" Kate's knees went wobbly, and she fell back, thankfully into the waiting arm's of Martha, which held her, close enough to not let it be embarrassing, close enough from letting Gina realize she had got the better of Kate.

Ofcourse, it was her fault, she was the target, he was the one in the actual pain. She went inside one more time, but by now Richard had figured the only way to ask her to leave, cause he could still see her pain and the tears in her eyes. He shut his eyes, and she left. She asked Martha to keep her informed and went back to the Precinct for her re-evaluation. The sooner she passed it, the sooner she could find the son on a bitch that shot Castle. The sooner she got her job back, she would have something to keep her busy, she couldn't see Castle in the pain she caused him. It clicked her then that maybe he had felt the same way, but she put that thought behind her immediately, she would think about Castle after she goes through re-evaluation, and then she had her meeting with .

* * *

**_A month and a half later… _**

She glanced up at the man on the bed, her blue eyes stung as she focused through the wall of tears that had grown all too familiar over the past three months. Her red hair kept back with a head band as she silently mourned for the full of life, childish man her father used to be, oh how she would trade anything to have him back up laughing and playing with her without a worry in the world. Yet here he was, a serious, grown up adult, in pain, worrying about the world and putting all its worries on his shoulders. Here, he was trying to 'man up' and compose his face so that no one saw his pain. But she knew him, she saw through those windows of his soul, he was trying to hide; he was blaming himself for all of it. Why was he being so dumb? Three years he spent after her. THREE YEARS! And now, when the woman actually cares to show how much she feels, he runs? And as if ashamed of his actions, he pushes every one out?

It had been a month since he had 'bargained' his way out of the hospital and earned himself his discharge. The very first thing he did was to pack his daughter off to summer camp. He had no control over Martha's decision however, so his Mother went along with him to nurse him back to health. He couldn't be in the city, so close to Kate; he couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes, the very pain that was there because he had failed her.

Now Alexis was back and staring at the sleeping form of her father. The father she had missed and was angry with for pushing her away, the father she was disappointed in, specially after her recent talk with Kate Beckett.

When she came back from summer camp and went back to the loft to leave her suitcase and grab a bag of fresh clothes to head down to the Hamptons she didn't expect to find a very broken and disoriented Kate to bump into her. The moment she saw Alexis, she had tried to hold back her tears but Alexis could see them now, after seeing her cry for a month, she knew that she was barely holding up, so Alexis took her up to the loft and made some coffee for them both so they could talk. Kate seemed more composed after a couple sips of coffee. "I'm sorry Alexis, I wasn't meaning to trespass, It's just I hadn't heard from any of you in over a month since that incident with Gina at the hospital and then I felt so guilty when it hit me that it was my fault that I just couldn't face him, maybe he just hates me for the pain I caus-" Kate knew she was rambling but was caught off-guard when Alexis cut her mid-sentence and sounded more like she was scolding Kate, "Kate don't be stupid! Thought I am not happy about what Dad did, it was his choice to jump infront of the bullets, you didn't push him there and hide behind him, so stop blaming yourself!"After a long minute, Alexis composed herself and went on "You weren't the one shooting and you weren't the one pushing him to save yourself, so it wasn't your fault. And don't apologize for coming over. I can understand your concern. Dad is at the Hamptons, he requested to be driven there straight from the hospital. I just got back from summer camp. He forced me to go because he said he couldn't look at me, something about him failing people around him."

Suddenly Kate started putting two and two together, ofcourse Castle would blame himself and call himself a failure. He had told her that, he had promised Montgomery that he would keep her safe. Oh, the stupid man-child, didn't he see, he saved her life. It pulled her back to the first time he saved her life, throwing himself in the line of fire even then. They had only known each other for a few weeks, and were working on the Nigerian Voodoo Case.

Alexis waited patiently suddenly realizing it would be a lot for Kate to take in at once. Her patience was soon rewarded as Kate spoke up suddenly back in her senses realizing the different things Alexis could have been speculating about last month. "Alexis, I didn't come here before because I didn't know how to face him, but then I got a call from Gina saying that he had disappeared and I got so scared… that… that they got him" She took in a deep breath telling herself she can't break into tears right now, not infront of Alexis. "I was so scared, I really had to check what had happened, I even suggested Gina that he might be in the Hamptons and Gina said she had no clue about his address at the Hamptons, which brings me to the second point, why did he have to lie to me last summer about taking her, and how come while they were married, he never took her with him but asked me to go with him last sum-" Alexis's head reeled with all this information, up until now she always thought it was Detective Beckett hiding behind men she didn't care about to keep her dad at an arm's length, now she saw the entire meaning of the phrase 'it takes two hands to clap'. She didn't even know she was talking until way after she was done and saw the shocked expression on the usually well composed hard ass detective's face.

"He never took her, or even Mom, to the Hamptons, last summer he was there alone, writing, neither grandma, nor I were there to distract him. When he came back he got himself busy and Gina would come around a couple times but they had nothing between them last summer. It was a façade." At this point Alexis remembered sneaking into his summer diary and notes for his next book and continued "He was jealous of Detective Slemming, but didn't want to get in your way" Kate shook her head and laughed for what seemed like the first time in months, The last she had laughed like that was in LA, with Castle. Alexis raised a brow, having no clue of what had Kate suddenly laughing, Kate noticed and filled her in "His name was Demming, Tom Demming, your dad probably decided on that as a nickname." Then her face grew serious "When your dad first asked me to go with him to the Hamptons, I brushed him away, with his reputation I thought I was just another girl on his to-do list, but then later came to my senses realizing that wasn't the Rick Castle I knew. I broke up with Tom last summer so I could go with your dad to the Hamptons, but then he strolled in with Gina in his arms and told me they were going, I never had a chance to tell him that I had changed my mind. He left me heartbroken. Then when he came back after summer, he came back as a suspect, and by then I was with Josh because I just couldn't forget your dad but it was clear to me he wasn't going to come back, I still feel that if it weren't for that particular case, I would have never seen him again unless I had made the first step, now that I think about it, I wish we hadn't met at the second victim's house, he wouldn't be in the pain he is right now if he hadn't crossed paths with me again."

At this point Alexis had to cut her again "Kate, I just asked you to stop blaming yourself. Think about the countless times you and dad have saved each other since. 3XK, The dirty bomb, The drowning, the kidnapping, being cuffed together with that tiger in the next room, the man who killed your mother, the FBI Russian woman, and so many more…"

"Yes but Alexis, if he weren't with me he wouldn't be in danger any of those times-"

"And what about you Kate? You'd be dead at the hands of Jerry Tyson? Or the city would collapse under a dirty bomb? Or you would drown and die in your beloved car, or becomes a tiger's meal, or be killed by the very man who killed your mother, or by the FBI Russian or the various other shootouts that you've faced ever since. You may not have realized it Kate, but I care about you just as much as I care about my dad, and you mean a lot to me, you're that woman figure I've never had in my life. Sure Grandma's there but she's just in and out of the house, sure my mother's alive but she's more like the crazy aunt with a credit card, her credit card being me. I was just as scared for you as I was for Dad that day when you were both shot, infront of my very own eyes." By now she was crying and trying to breathe and somewhere between her outburst, she had found herself in Kate's arms. The two women had sat there and cried, enveloped in each other's arms.

* * *

Alexis was pulled back from her thoughts about her meeting with Kate as she saw her Dad twist and turn, his face twisted in agony from the pain, and something more. Then she heard him and it clicked. Nightmare.

_**"KATE! STAY WITH ME PLEASE! DON'T DIE! KATE!"**_ The next thing Alexis knew, she was at her Dad's side and through the corner of her eye she saw Kate rush into the room to his other side and hold his hand. Was she glad she brought Kate with her.

Kate was shocked when she heard his voice, and particularly what he said, she had thought he hated her, and didn't want her anymore, yet here he was, having a nightmare, and all he could think about was her safety, she saw tears flow down his cheeks even as he slept, and tried hard to resist running her hand through his hair, giving up she did as her hand's pleased, they gently ran through his hair and she automatically started whispering softly to him, reassuring him that she was right next to him, that she was fine and she was alive and she was grateful to him for saving her life. A few minutes passed, he gripped her hand tight and then slowly calmed down, Kate didn't mind, she was more than happy with Castle holding her hand. He looked so calm in his sleep, a lot younger, and a lot more innocent, then he smiled, or maybe she had imagined that. "I love you Kate, please don't leave me" he whispered deep asleep ofcourse, having shifted to another dream, Kate sat there and then looked at Alexis, who then nodded to her and smiled before leaving the room.


End file.
